distance

a poem i found in my notes app from June

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i stare up at the ceiling fan

and wonder if i’m the problem

because it’s cool in this room

but you’re not touching me

the excuse that it’s hot

an invalid explanation

for the miles between us

in this queen sized bed

i stare into my phone

and wonder if i’m the problem

if i did something

to send you running to the game

something i said

must be the reason why

you’re joking into your headset

for hours

and barely speaking to me

i stare out the window

and wonder if i’m the problem

maybe i didn’t make

my expectations clear

maybe when i said

being with you is enough

i should’ve clarified that enough

is the bare minimum

i stare at the dashboard

gaze hazy in the smoke

and wonder if i’m the problem

i must be

if you can spend money on

clothes and cars and weed

but can’t take me on a date

i must be

if you can memorize nba stats

but can’t remember the

reels i sent

detailing hundreds of ideas

for us to do together

i stare up at the ceiling fan

and wonder when this happened

when we became this

it used to be perfect

we couldn’t keep our hands

off each other

sure we didn’t go on dates

but we talked

and we laughed

and we cuddled

and we kissed

and we fucked

and that was enough

i stare through blurry vision

and i wonder when that stopped

being enough

when i stopped being enough