grocery shopping

i wish to one day

have the audacity of a

white woman

in a grocery store

when i’m not writing

poetry

i work in produce

and there has yet to be a day

that i’m not questioned

by a blonde or brunette

as to whether or not we have any

“better looking” stock

hidden away in the back room

this question used to

irk me

i would examine

the offending vegetable

and wonder why she felt she needed

something better

why the perfect pepper or

shiniest apple

the ones that were out seemed

quite fine to me

but then i began to wonder

what about wanting the best

made me so uncomfortable?

what about

not being afraid

to ask for better

and refusing to accept any less

hit a nerve?

all my life

i’ve been a people pleaser

causing inconvenience

makes me uncomfortable

to this day

and often asking people

for better

feels like inconvenience to me

i take what people give me

because i feel it would be

asking too much

to ask for more

even if more

is what i deserve

i accept

“quite fine”

when i should be

rejecting

anything less than

exceptional

keeping lopsided melons

and dented cucumbers

when i know i want

the smoothest

and sweetest

i hope to one day

have the audacity

the confidence

and the assuredness

in myself

to ask for the sweetest berry

and the freshest tomato

maybe then i’ll be able

to ask the harder questions

maybe then i’ll start getting

what i really want

need

and deserve