what a life

sometimes

i look at my life

and all i can see are the places

where i’ve fallen short

something as small as a

low grade

is inflated to represent

my entire existence

and i get lost in feeling

like nothing i do

will ever be enough

but sometimes

i think back to 13

to crying alone on a bathroom floor

and saying “okay” and

“fine”

as my answer to every question

despite neither of those things

being true

i think of 16

of feeling as if my only

worth

lie in my body

and what it could provide to others

thinking only of who i was

“supposed” to be

so much that i didn’t have an inkling

of who i was

and when i think of those times

i smile

when i see how far i’ve come

this life i’ve created

that i couldn’t have even dreamed of

at 13

and didn’t think was possible

at 16

a life that is more good days

than bad

more laughter

than tears

and more love than i ever thought

i was worthy of

sometimes

i look at my life

and all i can see

is how far i have to go

but i’m trying to

more often

look over my shoulder

and remember what it took

to get to this place

i’m trying to

every day

remind myself how beautiful

my life is now

and leave the future

to the me i’ll be then